Tuesday, February 15, 2005
> 2nd Day... <
sigh... as each day passes I have this gnawing feeling inside of me. sigh...this journey is proving to be a lot more difficult than I have expected.
Accomplished two things today...
- Dance Practice. I felt really good about it. I really feel free when I dance. I shall pursue this gift. I happen to know that I'm really talented (nevermind if it's arrogant, it's not like anyone i know is reading this...i hope... hahaha) in it.
- Finished reading Da Vinci Code, hahaha... i'm taking it as another beautifully written literature...nothing more. I'm entitled to my opinion right? Dan Brown's good...great actually...linguistic...the plot...twists...even forming his own extravagant conspiracy theory (not sure if he had any help with it or if it's inspired by another...but nonetheless im amazed by it) but it ends there...there are some points when i wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it... and i know many conspiracy buffs will be glaring an eye on me now coz of that. But I don't believe anything that's yet to be proven and felt/experienced by me. That's why christianity worked for me. I know it works... I might be on the rocks now but it's not because there's no God that's watching over me... but because I have failed in my own flesh...i have my own demons to fight (both figuratively and literally...will be telling more on this)... sigh... I need to find my way back... before I hurt myself, or anyone else for that matter. God help me.
Well, after all the fun and excitement of the day... the fact that I have to face this thing never fails to dawn on me...it hits me like a big brick...sometimes even in between the chores that i have to do for the day... i pause... and then feel a sense of regret... have i been more faithful in the little things... paul says
Ephesians 4:1
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
sigh...i wish i have... im not very confident that i have... lord save me... im falling deeper and deeper and now the things that i hold dear and the people that kept me sane all these time...they're all gone... no one can help me but HIM... sadly i haven't really asked HIM to help me...all these while I've been trying to do it on my own... God... i feel really alone now... like i've never felt before...
other verses that came to mind... i have yet to do my quiet time...it's 2nd day...i have to do it... sigh...
Romans 11:29
for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable.
2 Thessalonians 1:11
With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.
shall rest...
[ your name spoke @ 11:58 PM ]